After 4 hard years of treatments and an operation we went for our last fertility consultation and our consultant told us there was nothing more he could do for us and we have to think about IUI and IVF as our next steps......we were both totally devastated. The next morning on the 22nd May 2012 I suddenly woke up at 5am and felt an urge to do a pregnancy test so I crept out of the bedroom and did one, just as James popped his head around the door to see why I was taking so long the test turned to positive. I remember that day as though it was yesterday and a feeling of complete happiness that I have never felt before. James and I raced around to my mum's and woke her up with a jewellery box containing the positive pregnancy test and after a bit of a moan for waking her up so early she opened the box. I have never seen such a reaction a look of shock, an excitable "is it, is it, is it", then jumping and laughing and crying all at once....... It goes without saying my family were so happy for us and James and I felt life could not be more perfect as we had just got married the month before in April. The hospital did an early 8 week scan a few days later just to confirm the pregnancy and said I am at slightly more risk of having an early miscarriage so I just need to get to 12 weeks then I should be OK. The next few weeks dragged but eventually we went past 12 weeks and again got very excited, we booked a private 3d scan to see our little bubba and find out if we were going to have a boy or a girl..... On the 25th August 2012 we found out we were having a girl :-) already knowing her name was going to be Amelia Ivy because we had 4 long years to think about it. Life went by so perfectly going crazy buying everything pink. Then 19th sept came :-( we had our 20 week scan and the sonographer scanned for ages and went and got her senior. The senior scanned me and then looked at us and said we don't know if something is wrong with your baby's heart or if we just can't see clearly and can we come back the next day to see the consultant. The next day we went back and the consultant scanned us again without saying anything, when she had finished she started: "your baby has a hole in her heart, 2 cysts on her brain, excess amniotic fluid and a 2 vessel cord, because she has so many complications this could be pointing at something a chromosomal problem :-( James went green, mum and I just cried, the consultant went away and a midwife came back and told us we were to go to Southampton hospital fetal medicine unit that Friday. Fetal medicine scanned me for 2 hours then took us all in a room where senior midwifes, consultant and heart specialist all confirmed all the complications and that Amelia's heart had a large hole in it and some vessels were not attached to her heart, they then went on and explained about Edwards syndrome (Trisomy 18) and how it is not compatible with life :-( before this we thought Amelia would be OK with operations or medication. Our whole world came crashing down. The professionals then went on to tell us our options; one being termination but for us that was not an option as we had tried so long for our baby. We could not take that decision into our own hands and decided we would just have to let nature take its course. They said most Edwards babies do not survive long and she could go at any time during the pregnancy, some cases but not many could go to term or not long after birth. They told us we could have an amniocentesis to confirm but there are risks of miscarriage so again we refused this. We all went home devastated. Life was now horrible and we were completely dumstruck about what was happening we had never ever heard of Edwards Syndrome before and really could not believe such a thing existed To top everything off I got severe SPD and I could no longer walk for more than 3 mins, tidy my house, drive or anything so I ended up a prisoner in my own home and facing the prospect of loosing my Amelia. My mum and Nan had to come over to tidy my house and James had to quickly learn how to cook! and push me around in a wheelchair as that was the only way I could escape my own home. Life really was at such a low and what was more terrifying was that the worst was yet to come!!. Weeks came and went with us visiting Southampton every few weeks then on one particular visit at 25 weeks they told us "Leah you have excessive amniotic fluid this condition is called Polyhydramnios" my fluid was so excessive it marked off the chart!. Amelia was weeing more than swallowing so it built up. I was given medication and told to be careful as it could cause me to go into premature labour and to go back the following week. The following week came and our consultant checked on the polyhydramnios and said it has not gone down with the medicine and that day I had to have an amnioreduction to drain off the fluid. The procedure was horrible but they ended up draining 2 1/2 litres of fluid out and said they were going to send some off to be tested and the results will take a few weeks. I had to go every week to keep an eye on my polyhydramnios and ended up having one more amnioreduction where they drained off 3 1/2 more litres of fluid. A few more weeks went by and then I got the dreaded phonecall "Leah as we thought Amelia has got full Trisomy 18 (Edwards Syndrome)" Although I knew the chances were very high I kept thinking she is not going to have it, she can't have it she is my little miracle, so my world felt like it came crashing down all over again. The only hope we could then cling to now was that she would be strong enough so we could spend a little time with her. In the next weeks we tried to build up as many memories as we possibly could, lots of 3d pictures and DVD's and treasured every movement she made and did. Amelia was our little dancing baby and never stayed still. We had one last hospital appointment to discuss with different professionals decisions that no parents should ever have to make. We had to decide if Amelia is born alive do we want her tubed up, fed by tube etc but the hardest one was if she was born sleeping but hadnt't been sleeping for too long do we want her to be resuscitated and how invasive or how light do we want it. This was another very difficult day for us :-(. Christmas day was a very emotional one but Amelia decided she wanted to kick nanny, daddy and uncle Cal :-).......that was the last day I really felt my princess move. When I went to my (most amazing) community midwife she listened in to the heart beat and it was there and good. A few days later, on the 29th Dec, 35 weeks pregnant I thought this is not right I still hadn't felt her move so went up to the hospital. The midwife put me on a monitor and said "that's a good heartbeat" we heard it so loud and clear and we thought I was just being anxious and everything was fine..... The midwife left us on the monitor for 15 mins whilst we listened to and recorded Amelia's heart beat. She came back and looked at the chart and said "I am just going to get the doctor" James and I looked at each other confused...... The doctor came in and told us Amelia's heart beat is there but it is very flat and we need to induce you today I just cried and said "What does this mean? I don't understand" He said it could be a sign Amelia is in distress. We got taken into the SANDS suite and met our most wonderful day midwife. I was induced that day at 3pm, my mum, dad, inlaws and friends all came that day and stayed until 2am whilst I was dancing around in a bit of pain. James and I did not get a wink of sleep that night or the next few. The next day all the family came again and I was now really in labour. The night came and I just wanted Amelia to come so we could meet her but my waters had still not broke so I danced around a bit then the biggest gush of water came and kept coming for quite some minutes! The midwife checked me and I was 10cm dilated. I panicked and phoned my community midwife around 11pm. She was on her way back from a trip but said she was on her way, our day midwife was also phoned as her day shift had finished a few hours before but she also said she was on her way. They both came and things really started to happen. I decided to have only gas and air so I could remember any time I may have with Amelia even through the pain when I tried to get something more :-), then it happened at 1.48am weighing 5lb 1oz my beautiful baby girl was born I remember the second I asked "is she sleeping" and the midwife responded "yes darling she is sleeping" :-(. Meeting my beautiful baby Amelia brought so many different emotions, total happiness, total sadness, but the one I remember the very most is the one of a love I have never felt before. The grandparents met Amelia and then daddy and nanny bathed Amelia and the midwife and I dressed Amelia in her beautiful christening gown. The Chaplin came in and blessed our beautiful Amelia. The midwifes, grandparents and mummy and daddy were all in tears. At 4am everyone went home and me, James and Amelia spent some precious hours on the bed together until family came to meet Amelia and say goodbye before it came the worst point of my whole life as I said goodbye to my angel and handed her to our amazing day midwife :-(. There are so many people we could never thank enough such as friends, family and our places of work. I know I speak for my whole family when I say we really could never ever thank the 3 hospital midwives and our community midwife enough. We would never have been able to do it without them absolutely outstanding!!. We could never thank my mum enough for being there through every single step of the way even though I know it pained her to watch me her daughter go through it. Most of all I could never thank Amelia enough she gave us so much that we never thought we would have, she showed us a love we have never felt, she showed us the kindness of so many and showed us how strong such a tiny little thing could be, she is truly an inspiration to us and we couldn't be a prouder mummy and daddy!!...... We love you so so very much our beautiful dancing baby Amelia xxxxxxxxxx